When You're Not Feeling the Love

Gospel Hope for Caregivers: September Newsletter

Fake it, till you make it.

That’s more or less how I felt as I muscled my way through August this year.

I’ve lived long enough to see that Jeremiah was right. The heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Feelings are not a reliable compass.

When the words on the page start to swim…

When prayers bounce off the ceiling…

When guilt and shame isolate…

I have two choices: 1. Let the emotions run the show, or 2. hold to what I know is true, even if I don’t “feel it” in the moment.

In a culture where being “authentic” is synonymous with “the truth”, I believe it’s valuable to push back and go through the motions of the Christian faith even in seasons when our faith is small and we don’t want to do the things.

“Faking it” was how it felt. But perhaps that isn’t giving myself (and the Holy Spirit) enough credit. In seasons when our hearts and minds aren’t on the same page, going through the motions isn’t being “inauthentic”, rather it indicates a deeper belief that the Gospel of Grace is bigger than our temporary feelings.

We all get into funks. We all have bad days, bad months, bad seasons. We all have times when we feel far from God and struggle to persevere in whatever the Lord has called us to do.

But just because we feel differently, doesn’t mean that anything has actually changed. God is still God. His character is the same whether we sense it or not. His holiness, his justice, his mercy, and his love are always perfectly present (Deuteronomy 32:4). He never shifts like a shadow (James 1:17). He never stops being the Almighty (Psalm 24:10). He continues to raise the sun, and blow the wind, and save sinners, and sanctify his saints.

Two passages have been especially encouraging to me this past month:

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

And this passage from Romans,

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Romans 8:28-30

These verses remind us that it is God who began this process of redemption and sanctification in us. He opened our eyes to his saving grace. He empowered us to confess our sins and need for salvation. He is the one who died that we may have life in Christ. God did all the work - and offered us grace on a golden platter.

If the Lord is pleased to do that for us, then we have confidence that he is going to see his work through to the finish line. He is not going to abandon the child he died for and leave her to muddle through the rest on her own.

So often people throw around Romans 8:28 and claim it means that “everything is going to work out fine” for us who believe in Christ. That is not at all what that verse is referring to. We know that in large part because things didn’t “work out fine” for Jesus. He was crucified. He was not spared suffering. Rather, that promise of - all things working for our good - refers to the following verses that promise us that God is completing his sanctifying work in us.

That means that our bad days, and tough seasons don’t have the final say. God is using even those to move us along the path of glory.

It is silly for me to think that my feelings can stop this miraculous process. Whether or not I feel God’s love does not change the reality of God’s love. And whether or not I feel the weight of my sin, does not change the reality that it is there and by God’s grace it has been forgiven.

I’m grateful that God is more reliable than me. I’m grateful that he is steadfast and a true shelter during the storms of life.

Whenever you next feel far from God, I hope you can pull up this little note from me and be reminded that he has not left you. “Fake it” till you feel him again. Your heart will catch up.

Photo by Alex Moliski on Unsplash

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Encouraging Resources:

• Caregiving Support Network - I’m a new partner with this ministry that comes along caregivers with prayer, financial assistance, and ongoing encouragement. If you are a caregiver who needs some extra 1:1 support, then I encourage you to reach out to them! And if you are someone who wants to love a caregiver - you can sign up to become a prayer partner!

• Inheritance of Hope - This is another ministry I’ve recently partnered with to offer gospel hope to their caregivers. IoH walks with families where one spouse is terminally ill. There are often young children involved and these families need lots of love. IoH offers support groups, family retreats, caregiver resources and more. Their director told me recently that 2/3 of these families are not believers, and this ministry is often the first place they experience the love of God in the midst of devastating life circumstances. If this is a ministry you need, or would like to support - then please check them out!

• 31-Day Prayer Guide for Caregivers - If a friend sent you this email, then I hope you SUBSCRIBE so I can send you a free prayer guide for caregivers. This can be a resource for you to use to pray for others, or for you to hand to that friend who says “let me know how I can serve you!”

• Numbering Your Days - My friend Elizabeth has a new online community dedicated to helping you live out your days centered in the hope of the gospel. This community is for those looking to be encouraged and equipped for aging, caregiving, end of life, and leaving a legacy for their loved ones. Check out the many resources HERE.

• Fiction Reading Recommendations:

  • This summer I took a bit of a break from non-fiction reading to enjoy some good stories. I especially enjoyed:

    • Horse by Geraldine Brooks (Warning - you’ll want to discuss the ending with a friend!)

    • The Violin Conspiracy by Brendan Slocumb (Mystery, music and family drama all rolled into one page-turning read.)

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Photo by Laura Rivera on Unsplash

Back to School with Spicy Kids

If you don’t have spicy children then you can say a prayer for me and skip this last part of the newsletter.

If you do have children like mine, with big emotions, difficulty with self-regulation, impulse control and focus, then I wanted to share some encouragement with you.

Transitions for these kids is hard. Going back to school is both exciting and overwhelming. Part of them loves the routine and structure. Part of them is exhausted from holding it together all day.

Coming home feels safe, because they know that you love them. And that feeling of safety means that the walls are going to come crumbling down as soon as they are in your presence.

One of my children has taken to entering the house and immediately removing any clothing that is not absolutely necessary. She literally leaves it all at the door and flops immediately on the sofa with a book. I’ve learned that it’s best to not talk to her, not look at her, and for goodness sake don’t ASK HER ANYTHING for at least 30 minutes.

Another one of my girls needs to run. She gets home and it’s like a coiled spring about to pop. If I don’t get her doing jumping jacks, bouncing on the trampoline, running around the block or dancing in the kitchen fast then things are going to deteriorate.

We’ve also re-instituted check lists for their fast moving brains. One of the things on the check list is “1 hour of play” and is mandatory.

Before moving on to something like homework, showers or chores, I warn them that it’s almost time to transition and they respond with how many minutes they want me to set on a timer. As long as it is under 10 minutes, I always say “great”. This seems to help them feel in control and they typically transition to the “not fun” activity more smoothly.

When it comes to homework we do things like put on their choice of music, or play games with the work. We might have them race a timer. Or every few minutes we pause for a brain break where they have to physically move around (dancing, aerobics, Simon says, etc.).

Our afternoon/evenings are not perfect. But implementing the things above have helped reduce the number of times I want to hide in my closet. If you have kids like mine, then I hope this encourages you that you are not alone! Other people have chaotic and challenging afternoons too! You really are the best mom for your kids, and you are doing a great job!

Blessings friends!

Marissa